So. Yesterday I got youngest male child out of the car and eldest boy child refused to leave the vehicle. "I'm going to be my driver" he said enthusiastically. Youngest male child is now such a porker I find him difficult to hold for more than 10 seconds so I scooted him into the house before I dropped him on the driveway.
I went back for Son No 1 who had now managed to lock himself in the car, eject 2 CD's and put muddy shoe prints on the dashboard. Thankfully I had the keys so it was easy to free him from the Passat playground. I ruffled his hair and said something like "Oooh you're a cheeky little imp wrecking mummy's car!" as it's Christmas and I didn't want the neighbours to hear me screaming like a banshee.
Never gave it a second thought until 7am this morning, with the 2 boys strapped in the back ready to be transported to Grandma's while mummy went to work to get some pennies, and discover that I have a pretty new warning light that I've never seen before on my display. I reach for the manual and grope at fresh air. I always keep the manual in the car but The Husband has been using my car while his was off the road and he's taken the liberty of rearranging things. I take a deep breath, let myself back into the house and ask my husband through gritted teeth where exactly the manual is. I know where I'd like to put it.
Anyway, he sheepishly retrieves it from a drawer and we find the relevant page and I discover it's my ESP (I'm still none the wiser) and that if the light stays on permanently (it does) then there is a fault with the system. Now, I read this in about 0.4 seconds but The Husband is not as quick a reader as me so I stomp off whittering as loudly as you can at 7 in the morning without disturbing next door "Why do they call it 'The Joy of Motoring' should be 'The Bottomless Pit Of Endless Things That Snap/Break/Fall Off And Cost An Arm And A Leg'." I get in the car and hit the ESP button several times like you do when you repeatedly press the button at a pedestrian crossing even though the 'Wait' light is already lit. The warning light stays on. So there's a fault in the system. He then appears at the door in his dressing gown, manual in hand. Bear in mind I'm now 20 minutes late.
"The ESP button is on the left near the radio."
"Yes. I know where the ESP button is."
"Just swich it off."
"Yes I've tried that already."
"Ah well there's a fault with the system then."
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
If you read of a man admitted to hospital after being impaled on a VW Passat Manual, I never did nothing officer.......
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